Serious Wednesday

Sarcastic wednesday belongs to Hoops and YoYo, but Serious Wednesday - that's Jon Acuff's thing... His Serious Wednesday post today on Stuff Christians Like is well worth the repost and very applicable

Take a moment to read about worrying about trends

Happy Wednesday!

A thousand roads to nowhere

Sometimes my kids surprise me ... not always in a good way, but this one was.  My daughter is working on a project for school to make a "soundtrack" telling about her life.  I expected some dorkiness and a lot of Japanese music (she LOVES it)  but what I did not expect was a song she wrote herself.  To add even further to the surprise it was deep and profound and I couldn't read the words without my eyes starting to well up.

Its called One Thousand Roads to Nowhere ... imagine in the background the sound of haunting Celtic pipe music ... here's the first bit ...

     As the pale moon is rising
     And the trail stretches on
     You find yourself asking
     "Will I ever see the sun?"
     And what will you do
     When the road splits in two?
     You have to choose a side
     For beyond this great divide...

     Are one thousand roads to nowhere
     None of them ring true
     In the dark abyss of despair
     You will tear your heart in two
     Tears falling down like rain
     The thunder rolls in pain
     On one thousand roads to nowhere
     Life sings its cold refrain

That had me worried.  She has gone through bouts of depression before  ....
the second verse is much the same ...
    
     The dusty paths seem unending
     But the crossroads are in sight
     The moon is descending
     And you think you see the light
     So you keep on pushing on
     Your hope is not yet gone
     But it's just another path
     For the fates will only laugh...

     On one thousand roads to nowhere
     None of them ring true
     In the dark abyss of despair
     You will tear your heart in two
     Tears falling down like rain
     The thunder rolls in pain
     On one thousand roads to nowhere
     Life sings its cold refrain

But she assured me ... "don't worry mom, its good." 

Here's the part that made me teary-eyed:

     You want to save your soul, 
     life, laughter, and love
     As you fall onto your knees,
     you scream to God above
     And He takes you by the hand
     Leads you to the Promised Land
     And the thousand roads to nowhere
     Are lost in time's black sand

     On the only road to Heaven
     The hardest path of all
     It's a steep slope to climb but
     He will never let you fall
     Mercy comin' down like rain
     Life sings its lost refrain
     On the only road to Heaven
     In the light you will remain

     On the only road to Heaven..
     In the light...you will...remain


Its hard to believe at 17 she has such a grasp on how the things of this world try and tear you down, how they "promise" happiness and satisfaction, but are just one more road to nowhere. 

And best of all, she understands that true happiness and contentment are from God, through  Jesus, and He is the only road to Heaven. 

God gave me you ....

You know the song ... God gave me you for the ups & downs .... for the days of doubt.  I hear it in the first 5 songs just about every time I turn on the radio.  Its a man singing to his wife - partner for life - and thanking God for her.

As a single you'd think I'd run screaming from the room every time it starts to play.  It would be hard to do when I'm in the car, but I could find a way to do it if I set my mind to it.  I don't have my "you", God has't given him, and a reminder of that (most often many times during the day) is not something I really want to hear. 

But what I find myself thinking about is the "you"s I do have in my life. 

While I may not have a husband, I do have 2 great kids.  Those "you"s keep me going on days when I might not want to even get out of bed.

I think of some of my dearest girlfriends - the ones I run to when I have a "grown up" problem, when everything God has taught me and brought me through in the last 10 years threathens to jump out the window.  When the evil twin that I once was rears her ugly head and tries to exert dominance over my actions.

I think of my church family.  I know if there is a need that is beyond me someone from church would be there to help out - from moving furniture to fixing my lawn mower.

I may not have the "you" described in the song, but I have many "you"s who do the same thing ... even out the ups & downs, carry me through the days of doubt.

And when I think I've lost my way, they are there to guide me back.

Who are the "you"s in your life?

Thoughtful musings

I'm sitting here on a quiet afternoon.  The dog is sitting by my side trying to coax one more walk out of me before the sun goes down.  its sunshiny, still cool, but spring is here and the winter seems behind us, finally.

I spent a good chunk of time this weekend looking through old scripts and writing assignments I did 7 or so years ago.  I took an online creative writing class and found some interesting things that I'd written way back when ... back when the divorce was fresh and raw and counselling was revealing a lot of hurts from my past that I thought were just parts of my personality. 

It was interesting looking back because some of it I don't remember even writing (there was Buzz the bag boy - part of the bag boy underground - and Romp Grommet - inventor extraordinaire) and feelings I don't remember documenting (like levels of black hatred that I have not experienced since that time thanks to the aforementioned counselling). 

I found a great piece that was about walking my dog on a crisp November morning after the first snowfall of 2003.  I used to write a lot.  I used to want to be a writer.  Right now I miss it more than I thought possible.

A lot of things have changed in the last 7 years.  My love of writing isn't one of them. 

Neither is God.  He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.  He was there 7 years ago when I was coming to terms with parts of my past, and He is here now as the path to the future is forged.  Its kinda cool to come back to such a basic truth and know that it IS true ...for always.

A little about fear ....

Its been quite some time since I last wrote here on the Thrive blog.  It seems once again life caught up with me - 2 teenagers in high school, one in sports, one with a job (and driving no less) and well all the other stuff that makes up life  here.  I was looking through some creative writing I did a few years ago and found this essay I wrote on Fear .... I think its just as applicable today as it was when I wrote it.  Take from it what you will.


Have you ever been afraid? Paralyzed by an emotion that caused your heart to race, and your feet to freeze? Have you ever been so overwhelmed by fear that although you wanted to fight, you took flight instead?

Well, you’re not alone.

I remember when I was a kid – growing up, children have no fear. Well most kids, anyway. But not me. I was afraid of heights… deathly afraid of heights. Still am, although I’ve learned to cope with it.

I still vividly recall one day when I had to face that fear. We were at a softball game. I wasn’t playing, although I played extensively in my younger years. We were at one of the local junior high schools. The ball diamonds were out back, the school was near the street. The fire escape ran up the side of the school like a staircase.

I remember it like it was yesterday. My palms are sweaty just thinking about it … the fire escape. Other kids were playing on it, running up and down. It was built of the metal grid you can see through … strong and durable, but full of holes for the water to run through during storms.

Kids were scampering up and down the stairs, everyone except me. It was like a normal staircase, probably 5 feet wide, 8 or 10 risers between landings, 3 landings. It was the path to the treasure (or so we imagined). It was the hill for the king. It was a gold mine for the imagination of 8 year olds.

It was also really, really high.

After all the kids had left I decided I wasn’t staying down on the ground any more. I was going to climb to the top and touch the escape door. I could do it. It was only three stories. I’d run up stairs in buildings higher than that. The only difference was those were inside … and made of concrete … and you couldn’t see through them all the way to the bottom!

I stood at the lowest riser for what seemed like an eternity. I remember telling my feet to go. Up I went. That first flight wasn’t so bad. I made it to the landing … wiping my brow I turned to face the next set of risers.

It was then that my feet mutinied.

You know how they talk about the Body of Christ, and how all the parts need to work together? Well my feet weren’t having any of that! They decided all on their own to stop, and stay. It really was a nice view from that landing. Who wanted to go higher? Not the feet. And if the feet weren’t going, wasn’t anybody going.

I stood there and argued with my feet … one hand on the railing, one clenched at my side, holding tightly to all the emotions I wasn’t going to let loose.

Finally I forced my right foot up to the riser. The left slowly dragged its sorry self up to the same riser … it certainly wasn’t going to be leading anywhere.

And the scene repeated.

Holding on to the railing for dear life, and forcing my feet one riser at a time to go up to the 2nd landing. I was not going to be defeated by fear.

Or so I thought.

At the next landing, I faced still another set of risers, going even higher. My fatal mistake was when I paused to collect my thoughts, I looked down. I looked to where I’d come from instead of looking to where I was going. You see when I looked down, it seemed like I was pretty high up. And I could see the ground through the landing … remember all those holes in the metal? I know they were there intentionally, but to my 8-yr old mind, they were the stupidest idea since the dawn of time!

Ok so there I am on the landing … pleading with my feet to just go up one more step. We didn’t have to go all the way to the top. We could do that another time. My feet wouldn’t budge. I tried to make my legs just lift my feet. I could make my feet go where I wanted by brute force alone … I WAS MASTER OF MY LIMBS.

But it seemed that since we’d left the grass behind, my legs had joined the mutiny. They weren’t lifting feet anywhere. In fact they took control and walked me back down to the ground. If I had a tail, it would have been tucked neatly between my legs.

That day the fear had won.

That was a long time ago. I still feel fear, over different things now.

Meeting new people.

Paying my bills.

Surviving on my own in a world that sometimes seems heartless and cold.

That fear is there; sometimes it’s a constant companion.

Some days I even succumb. I hide out from the world. I throw a pity party that is a grand affair, and I am the guest of honor. I rarely decorate or dress up, but its all for me, just the same.

But you know most days it doesn’t win.

You see, I’ve got another companion, one who holds the fear at bay. My other companion is always available, whenever I need an ear to listen, or a shoulder to cry on. This other companion doesn’t mind if I call at 3 in the morning. This companion is a true friend in every sense of the word. This companion will listen with compassion, and correct with gentleness and kindness. This companion doesn’t want me to be a slave to fear. This other companion is bigger and stronger than the world.

This other companion, of course, is Jesus.

In the book of Joshua when the Israelites were going up against the great powers of the Promised Land, do you know what the Lord told Joshua? Joshua 8:1 says, "Do not be afraid." This wasn’t a statement or a suggestion. It was a COMMAND!

DO NOT BE AFRAID!!

And again in Joshua 10 the Lord tells Joshua “Fear them not”. Once again this is a command. This command appears 4 times in the book of Joshua.

Do not be afraid. Do not be afraid.

Do not be afraid. Do not be afraid.

I wanted to see if the book of Joshua was an isolated instance, a curious anomaly, as we like to call it in the engineering profession.

So, I did a quick search on the Internet. The word “afraid” was found 207 times in the NIV translation of the Bible. This doesn’t include forms of “afraid” like fear. Simply the word “afraid”. Of those 207 appearances, 90 of the occurrences I found are in the phrase “Do not be afraid”. Hmmm. There’s that command again.

Do Not Be Afraid. Do not be afraid. Do not be afraid. No I’m not going to write it 90 times.

67 of the 90 are in the Old Testament. 67.

Do Not Be Afraid. Do not be afraid. Do not be afraid. You seeing a pattern?  I am.

Seems like something that is repeated that often might just be worth taking note of.

The remaining 23 occurrences of this command are in the New Testament.

Do Not Be Afraid. Do not be afraid. Do not be afraid. You get the picture.

Of the 23 NT occurrences, 8 are in the Gospel of Matthew, 1 is in Mark, 7 are in Luke, and 3 are in John. These instances were Jesus talking to his disciples and telling them not to be afraid.

Not to fear what they were currerntly experiencing. Not to fear what Jesus alone knew was coming next.

2 are in Acts and 2 are in Revelation. To me these seem like the apostles telling us from that long ago time to follow that same command.

God does not want us to live in fear.

2 Timothy 1:7 (Amplified) states “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.”

Craven … cringing … is that what fear does to us … to me. When I think of the phrase craven and cringing, I think of Igor ...the perpetual assistant in every B horror movie every made. He was fawning. He was cowardly. He was craven. Craven means contemptible, timid or cowardly.

I’m thinking I don’t like the sound of that, but when we are mastered by fear, that is how we appear. But when we master fear … well that’s another story entirely.

It seems pretty clear to me from scripture.

God does not want us to fear.

God does not want us timid.

God wants us BOLD.

God wants us to rely on His power.

God wants us to rely on Him.

There is no place for fear in the world where God rules.

That’s the kind of world I want to live in. Because I think in that world, fire escapes might be kind of fun to play on.

The hardest thing a parent has to do ...

I've had to do some hard things in my 16+ years as a parent ...

... I had to take my babies to daycare. That got easier as time went on but then ...

...I had to send them off to Kindergarten. It didn't seem as safe as the little day care they went to, but they did well. And then came ...

...middle school and the BUS and being home alone for a whole 30 minutes every day. This was extremely difficult for me because I had to trust that they learned all the stuff they were supposed to in the previous 12 years and would remember it (don't answer the door, don't answer the phone unless you know who it is etc etc). We made it through the middle school years and ...

...on to High School, where everything is so much bigger and (to the mom) so much scarier.

In between all of this, I had to take my daughter to the police department after she snuck out one night so she could learn "what might have happened". The "might have" was a lot harder to think about than what did happen which was just a phone call in the middle of the night. I was torn between being so thankful she was OK to being so angry at what she did.

But yesterday I had to do the hardest thing as parent that I have ever had to do ... I had to tell my 14 yr old that a class mate and friend had been killed in an accident over the weekend. At 14 you should not have to go to funerals for your friends. She is doing OK so far. I think I am having more trouble with it. My mother's heart breaks for his parents, and all the fears of "what if this happened to my baby" parade through my thoughts.

This seems to make no sense, but a lot of things that happen in life fall into this category. This is where trusting in God and who He is becomes the hardest.

By all accounts, Scottie was a fun loving, outgoing boy with lots of friends. He was also a believer . I pray that this sustains his family.

My prayers go out to the McCarthy & Mosinksi families for God's peace and comfort in this time of sorrow.

The Christian "F" Word

I was listening to Jon Acuff today - a talk he gave at a church conference.  You can listen to the whole thing here - and don't laugh at booty, God, booty - its really serious stuff!

Anyway he talked about the Christian "F" word. 

What is it you ask ... it's "Fine". 

We use it alot don't we. 

If God is doing great things , we're awesome, or we're great, or we're blessed ...

If we are at a cross roads, we're seeking counsel or we're praying ...

If there is a trial, we're persevering ....

But if we are painting a picture for others, or if we are avoiding an issue, or if we don't want to get too close or too deep - we're "fine". 

That's it, just "fine". 

Now sometimes it will be true - we will be fine - the "and dandy" kind of fine. 

But if you listen closely, you can tell by how its said, how its clipped at the end, that things really aren't as the answer implies. This is the kind of "fine" that has implied quotes (every body hands up and make the double quote marks with your fingers!)

I'm not sure why we do it.  I'm guilty of it quite often. 

Maybe its because we know if we admit anything we'll have to take a closer look at ourselves - if we're "fine" then we're "fine" and we don't have to ...

Or maybe its because we don't think the other person really wants to hear all the gory details ... and that may be true too.  But it seems a different answer, an honest answer, even if it is devoid of the details might be better then just being "fine", especially between brothers and sisters in Christ.

Let's not be "fine" any more. 

Lets be honest.

Let's be sick. 

Let's let the Great Physician heal every part of us - not just the parts we decide to let Him into. 

Because if we're "fine" then we really don't need Him, do we?

House of Cards

Sometimes life feel like a house of cards. 

Each step builds on the previous step unless and until an unsteady hand or an unexpected jostle sends the whole things plummetting to the table top in a large and unruly mess

I hate messes.

Oh My-Lanta - Jon Acuff does it again

On the surface this post by Jon Acuff about grumbling is pretty funny ... I mean Church Olympics!!! How funny is that!

And anyone who grew up Catholic like I did, probably is a master at the art of palm branch fencing (my brother and I were stealth palm branch fighters - at least I don't think my mom ever knew)

But it makes you think too - not just about other people - those who can never be happy in spite of all they are blessed with because this one little stinking THING isn't the way they want it, but also about our own thoughts and attitudes that over shadow the good things in life. That one thing dominates.

I know - I'm a master at that too.

I'm single - so who cares that I have a wonderful church family and a close circle of dear friends. It doesn't matter that I have a job (in fact a great job) in these hard economic times or that I am in relatively good health considering the polluted gene pool I call my family medical history. I'm single, I don't want to be single and that one fact is what defines me

Ever have thoughts like that. I used to revel in them. Don't now. Can't really. I have too many blessings in my life.

Now when I am tempted to nose dive into that "place", I force myself to look at what God has blessed me with - job, home, family, church. Lets not forget Salvation - that should have been #1 on the list.

That's what I do to pull my head out of the quagmire of thoughts. Its not always easy, but its well worth it ... to look up into the light of blessing that surrounds me.

So what do you do when the negativity threatens to overwhelm?

Living Mary in a Martha World

You know the story - two sisters in Bethany back in the day - one cooks and cleans all day the other sits around listening to Jesus talk. In the end Jesus said Mary choose the better way.
I've always had trouble with that. I'm a Martha - definitely. Gimme a task list and some time to accomplish it and I'm off and running. Trouble is sometimes the goal becomes more important than the people involved in the task. It becomes a battle between getting the job done and maintaining a relationship.

That's what happened with Martha. Maybe she really did have the right attitude at first. Then more of the disciples stopped by - more cooking, more clean up and there was Mary just sitting on the floor. I can really relate to that.

It happened on a church project once. We were organizing a special service and some things happened during the process that caused hard feeling. People were offended and hurt, but the service - well that was a screaming success - at least on the surface where the world might judge.

It wasn't until later, when our pastor got us all together to sort through some of the mess that followed that a different perspective came out - a more godly one. He said if relationships are damage, it isn't a success in God's eyes.

The checklist isn't all important - the relationships, the heart, the attitude - those are of more concern to God.

Those are where the clashes are, the weak spots in our armor so to speak.

Just as Jesus said - Mary did choose the better way. She chose to sit at the feet of her Master and listen to His voice. Its not that Martha's task list was wrong - just her attitude.

Next time you are tempted to choose tasks over people, remember this story. Try living Mary in this goal oriented Martha world and let the relationship be most important.

Celebrating Freedom

Consider freedom. What would you do if your freedom was being threatened? How far would you go to protect it?

Celebrate freedom. This 4th of July remember all those who have fought for your freedom - those men & women who have taken the job of defender so that the rest of us can live in peace.

Treasure freedom. Cherish it - it is a blessing that not all the world enjoys.

Happy 4th!

Feeling Uninspired

When this blog was started, I committeed myself to one entry per month.  I was doing better than that, then January hit, and there was a crisis and it seemed like God was inspiring me to use song lyrics to blog about faith and things. 

Fast forward ... crisis over ... there are still great songs out there (Born Again, Hold my Heart, and anything by TFK/FM Static - its just so bouncy!)  but yet I find myself blogging less.   I said to myself, I'm just not "inspired", but you'd think that not being in a crisis or helping a friend through a crisis or witnessing a crisis on TV would be incredibly inspiring.  I mean whats more inspiring than being safe and happy and contented?

This past Sunday my pastor spoke on the Bible Basics of Knowing God's Will (I do the sermon slides so the title does have to be in that initial upper case :o).  And it got me thinking about writing ...

I used to think that if God wanted me to write, then He would just fill my head with stuff and I'd translate it to paper (or pixels as the case may be).  After all, thats how most of this blog came into being.  But maybe that thinking is backwards - maybe if I want to write for God I ought to just write ... its not rocket science after all.  I don't have to be all profound and whatnot.

Maybe God knows I love to write and have been doing it since junior high - with notebooks filled with stories no one will ever see - and here is one opportunity to write and actually have people read it [waving to our  "fan" now]. 

And what could be more inspiring than an opportunity to do something I love and maybe pass on a little of God's love and life experience along the way.

Hmmmm ... I'm kinda feeling inspired now.  I bet there is a song lyric for that!

So where's your stupid?

Its been a while since I've posted. I'd like to say that I've been busy researching the next great idea in the Christian blog-o-sphere, or that I've been so deeply involved with my Bible studies and my small group and my deeply profound quiet times that I haven't had time to to write about it - I was too busy doing.

Unfortunately none of those is true ... I've just been doing other stuff, things that may or may not have kingdom value (although I am still trying to figure out how to make card making a ministry!)

One of the things that does take up my time is reading blogs - mostly paper crafting ones, but a few Christian bloggers who alternate between profoundly serious and hysterically funny. John Acuff is one of those - he writes at Stuff Christians Like.
Today he wrote about when he takes small steps toward stupid.

This was one of the profoundly serious and deeply moving entries he does on Wednesdays. Got me thinking ... what are my steps toward stupid?

Do I discount them or am I just a better Christian than Mr. Prodigal John - sorry I can't even write that without snickering. I know I discount them - brush off the adventures into thought patterns that are of no value and can become damaging to both myself and to those around me.

That's my biggest step - living in my head. Thinking thoughts that have no bearing on reality. That leads me right to stupid ... to that place where I miss a step and get caught in free fall. Or worse yet take a hit and spiral down to that dark and airless void that lives at rock bottom.

To avoid this I know I need my quiet times. I need to be in serious prayer. I need fellowship. When its a struggle I need accountability.

So where's your stupid?

Indescribable

Watched a video this weekend called Indescribable - it was a talk by Louie Giglio on the Indescribable tour (Thanks Ben for bringing the video along on the camping trip!).

It was all about creation declaring the glory of God. He showed examples of pulsars and nebulae and centers of star systems from the Hubbell space telescope. Mr. Giglio made the comments that each time we create a larger/better/ more powerful telescope we see more things that we've never seen before - how God is encouraging us on so we can see just how great He is, how creative, how powerful.

Mr Giglio also mused about how the sounds emanating from a pulsar could just as easily be that star calling out "He is great! He is awesome! He is God!"

Later after the video our little camping group was sitting down by the lake. The geese were all stirred up - honking and calling to each other. Someone in the group (I think it was Ben again) started calling out "He is awesome", "He is great", "He is ..." fill in the blank with a character trait of God. It was so cool to think that all the commotion may have really been creation declaring the wonders and power and majesty of the Creator.

I used to think "oh just be quiet" when I heard the birds making noises in the morning. After all they were waking me up - usually quite a while before I wanted to be awake!

But after this weekend I think "yes you are right - He is awesome and powerful and good and just and ..." and I join in the chorus and sing along, praising my Creator.

Just Be

Its been a while since we've posted here.  Life just got busy ... you know how that goes.  Work and church and small groups and service projects and homework and kid activities and ... the list goes on and on.  It never seems to end if you add laundry and housework and pretty soon yard work into the mix. 

 

But with all that's going on its good to take time out to spend time with God.  Take a walk - not a power walk, more of a stroll.  Look at the trees and flowers and chirping birds ... be amazed by all the differences our creative God built into the world around us.

 

Think about how they came to be ... God spoke them into existence.  A single word from the Creator and everything was. 

 

Don't get so busy that you forget that.

 

Dont get so busy that you miss God's love in amongst all the scheduled appointments.  He's got a sunrise (or sunset) just for you.  Take some time to enjoy it and just be ...

Your Love Remains

Your Love Remains

Words and Music by Steele Croswhite

When I don’t feel it
When I don’t give it
When I don’t want it…your love remains

When I don’t see it

When I am sinful
When I am winning…your love remains

When I am waking
When I am working
When I am resting…your love remains

When I am doubting
When I am fighting
As I do worry….your love remains

When I am tired
When I am broken
When I am resistant…your love remains

When I am lonely
Or when I’m surrounded
When I am uncertain…your love remains

When I am tempted
When I am mourning
When I am waiting…your love remains

When I am restless
When I am indifferent
When I am un-focused……your love remains

When you renewed me
When you restored me
When you redeem me…your love remains

When you come claim me
When this life is over
In your arms forever….I will remain

I think I could add "when I am wrestling" and "when I'm rebelling" to the list. 

Sometimes its the simple truths that impact us the most.  God will never leave us or forsake us.  No matter how we feel, no matter what we think.  God loves us!

I think Steele's song says it all.  God bless!

Think On These Things

...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things --Philippians 4:8

Often times I find myself having arguments in my head ... representing both sides. I can get pretty angry imagining what people might say. "Practicing" I used to call it. Or "Rehearsing". So I'd be ready ... but I don't think its good to be "ready for a fight" like that. It just whips up the negative emotions that might already be present. It keeps that grudge or that slight alive in your mind and that gives Satan a foothold.

Instead we are encouraged to think on things that are noble and pure, excellent, praiseworthy. The Bible falls into that category and because I want to be in the word more I've been going through Philippians pretty much since January. I just keep reading through it and getting blessed with new nuggets of wisdom each time.

There was 1:9 "And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight"

and 1:27 "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel"

Then I found 2:3. "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves."

I wanted to write down all of Chapter 3 ... I haven't found just a single verse in that chapter that seems more impacting than the others. The whole thing just hits me in the heart.

And of course 4:8 .... the more I've been reading the deeper it seems to get. I've never read the Bible over and over. I'll read it, but not dwell on it. I'm kind of digging the "dwelling" part.

I'm not going to expound or exhort on these verses. I'll let you ponder them for yourselves. Maybe for you, like for me, they will just address where you are at the moment you are reading them and offer guidance and direction.

You may be surprised there isn't a song lyric in this blog. But there is a song to go with this one ... Think On These Things by Petra (from the No Doubt CD).

I'll let you look that one up yourself (http://www.metrolyrics.com/think-on-these-things-lyrics-petra.html)

Falling Up

Do you ever put people up on pedestals? The more highly you think of them, the more you idealize (or should I say idolize) them, and the higher the pedestal goes.

Until it falls.

Until your hero comes crashing to the ground in a rush of humanity, because the one you put up
there to admire is, after all, human.

I was convicted on that recently when I realized that I was making an idol of a friend. I thought the world of this person and when the fall came it shook me to the core.

The fact that this person sinned seemed inconceivable ... but how unrealistic is that. And how unfair. We, all of us, have sinned (and fall short of the glory of God) and God's grace covers us all. Jesus sacrifice paid the price for every one.

So this time instead of wallowing in whatever you wallow in when you are disappointed, I gave it to God. Don't think that was as easy as it sounds, though. I wrestled with it - knowing mercy was needed but in my heart wanting justice instead.

But God is gracious - He took my doubts, my concerns, my fears, my disappointments and whispered "Trust me". I fell up into the arms of my Savior and received the peace the truly does surpass all understanding.

As I learn to trust more deeply and more consistently what I know is true, I know that peace will stay - for all the storms that surely lie ahead.

Stained Glass Masquerade

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small
Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong
So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage
The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart
excerpt from "Stained Glass Masquerade" by Casting Crowns

I think it happens more than we think... expectations blown away by the truth that was hidden away for so long. People hiding their pain or their secret sins so they can look the part of the happy well-adjusted Christian. I know I did it. I hid the struggles and pain in my life from everyone, even my closest friends. Because it never looked like they had problems. It never looked they doubted. It never looked that way because they hid their fears and pain away every bit as much as I did.

My pastor today talked about a lot of adjustments that will need to be made at my church as we move forward. Lots of stuff is happening. Good stuff. Kingdom stuff. And just as much bad too. As Kurt said ... Its a war ... and the enemy will use anything, any hook in our heart to bring us down.

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay
excerpt from "Stained Glass Masquerade" by Casting Crowns

At a shepherd's team meeting a couple of weeks ago, one of the church leaders talked about transparency - in our schedules, our finances, our lives. Without that, the hooks go into our hearts and the shame and deception drive them deeper still. That kind of transparency ... accountability ... is good. Its hard too. But its necessary. That's the importance of fellowship. That's the result of being authentic. Not perfect, just real.

Because without it, the fear wins and masquerade goes on...

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade
excerpt from "Stained Glass Masquerade" by Casting Crowns

Something Heavenly

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly
Something Heavenly
excerpt from Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly) by Sanctus Real

It feels like things are changing. Not sure what. Last week at church our pastor talked about changes that will be coming in the next year ... a college church plant, needs for more leaders, possibly another Sunday service. This week we will hear more about what exactly that means. All this stuff will take more work, more time, more of everything.

Its all exciting stuff, good stuff. But its also a lot of stuff and well, for the most part its still relatively unknown. The leadership is planning, but other than the vision and plan there isn't a lot to share just yet. Ummm, sounds like chaos to me.

You know I don't like chaos. I'm an engineer...I like neat. I like orderly. I like scheduled. I like known.

But all of this is unknown, and to me that can be a little scary. There's been no impact analysis. There haven't been focus groups and surveys. And I'm guessing we'll have to rebaseline just about everything (engineers don't like rebaselining! It messes up the milestones ;o)

But, if I'm honest and truthful (and I find it best to be that way), its exciting. Even the unknown parts only have me curious, but not freaking out. I feel like I'm in a wait and see mode to discover what to do next. Its a time right now to seek God .. to be in His word and in prayer for all the concerns that are going on at church, whether its the pastor's missionary trip to Africa, or my friend's knee that is on the verge of giving out for good.

So while I'm waiting, I'm not inactive. I'm busy readying myself, spiritually speaking. So in the midst of all this change, there is this God-peace, because as I get to know Him more and more, I trust him more and more.

Something is changing.

Maybe its me.
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