I've had to do some hard things in my 16+ years as a parent ...
... I had to take my babies to daycare. That got easier as time went on but then ...
...I had to send them off to Kindergarten. It didn't seem as safe as the little day care they went to, but they did well. And then came ...
...middle school and the BUS and being home alone for a whole 30 minutes every day. This was extremely difficult for me because I had to trust that they learned all the stuff they were supposed to in the previous 12 years and would remember it (don't answer the door, don't answer the phone unless you know who it is etc etc). We made it through the middle school years and ...
...on to High School, where everything is so much bigger and (to the mom) so much scarier.
In between all of this, I had to take my daughter to the police department after she snuck out one night so she could learn "what might have happened". The "might have" was a lot harder to think about than what did happen which was just a phone call in the middle of the night. I was torn between being so thankful she was OK to being so angry at what she did.
But yesterday I had to do the hardest thing as parent that I have ever had to do ... I had to tell my 14 yr old that a class mate and friend had been killed in an accident over the weekend. At 14 you should not have to go to funerals for your friends. She is doing OK so far. I think I am having more trouble with it. My mother's heart breaks for his parents, and all the fears of "what if this happened to my baby" parade through my thoughts.
This seems to make no sense, but a lot of things that happen in life fall into this category. This is where trusting in God and who He is becomes the hardest.
By all accounts, Scottie was a fun loving, outgoing boy with lots of friends. He was also a believer . I pray that this sustains his family.
My prayers go out to the McCarthy & Mosinksi families for God's peace and comfort in this time of sorrow.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
The Christian "F" Word
I was listening to Jon Acuff today - a talk he gave at a church conference. You can listen to the whole thing here - and don't laugh at booty, God, booty - its really serious stuff!
Anyway he talked about the Christian "F" word.
What is it you ask ... it's "Fine".
We use it alot don't we.
If God is doing great things , we're awesome, or we're great, or we're blessed ...
If we are at a cross roads, we're seeking counsel or we're praying ...
If there is a trial, we're persevering ....
But if we are painting a picture for others, or if we are avoiding an issue, or if we don't want to get too close or too deep - we're "fine".
That's it, just "fine".
Now sometimes it will be true - we will be fine - the "and dandy" kind of fine.
But if you listen closely, you can tell by how its said, how its clipped at the end, that things really aren't as the answer implies. This is the kind of "fine" that has implied quotes (every body hands up and make the double quote marks with your fingers!)
I'm not sure why we do it. I'm guilty of it quite often.
Maybe its because we know if we admit anything we'll have to take a closer look at ourselves - if we're "fine" then we're "fine" and we don't have to ...
Or maybe its because we don't think the other person really wants to hear all the gory details ... and that may be true too. But it seems a different answer, an honest answer, even if it is devoid of the details might be better then just being "fine", especially between brothers and sisters in Christ.
Let's not be "fine" any more.
Lets be honest.
Let's be sick.
Let's let the Great Physician heal every part of us - not just the parts we decide to let Him into.
Because if we're "fine" then we really don't need Him, do we?
Anyway he talked about the Christian "F" word.
What is it you ask ... it's "Fine".
We use it alot don't we.
If God is doing great things , we're awesome, or we're great, or we're blessed ...
If we are at a cross roads, we're seeking counsel or we're praying ...
If there is a trial, we're persevering ....
But if we are painting a picture for others, or if we are avoiding an issue, or if we don't want to get too close or too deep - we're "fine".
That's it, just "fine".
Now sometimes it will be true - we will be fine - the "and dandy" kind of fine.
But if you listen closely, you can tell by how its said, how its clipped at the end, that things really aren't as the answer implies. This is the kind of "fine" that has implied quotes (every body hands up and make the double quote marks with your fingers!)
I'm not sure why we do it. I'm guilty of it quite often.
Maybe its because we know if we admit anything we'll have to take a closer look at ourselves - if we're "fine" then we're "fine" and we don't have to ...
Or maybe its because we don't think the other person really wants to hear all the gory details ... and that may be true too. But it seems a different answer, an honest answer, even if it is devoid of the details might be better then just being "fine", especially between brothers and sisters in Christ.
Let's not be "fine" any more.
Lets be honest.
Let's be sick.
Let's let the Great Physician heal every part of us - not just the parts we decide to let Him into.
Because if we're "fine" then we really don't need Him, do we?
Monday, July 20, 2009
House of Cards
Sometimes life feel like a house of cards.
Each step builds on the previous step unless and until an unsteady hand or an unexpected jostle sends the whole things plummetting to the table top in a large and unruly mess
I hate messes.
Each step builds on the previous step unless and until an unsteady hand or an unexpected jostle sends the whole things plummetting to the table top in a large and unruly mess
I hate messes.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Oh My-Lanta - Jon Acuff does it again
On the surface this post by Jon Acuff about grumbling is pretty funny ... I mean Church Olympics!!! How funny is that!
And anyone who grew up Catholic like I did, probably is a master at the art of palm branch fencing (my brother and I were stealth palm branch fighters - at least I don't think my mom ever knew)
But it makes you think too - not just about other people - those who can never be happy in spite of all they are blessed with because this one little stinking THING isn't the way they want it, but also about our own thoughts and attitudes that over shadow the good things in life. That one thing dominates.
I know - I'm a master at that too.
I'm single - so who cares that I have a wonderful church family and a close circle of dear friends. It doesn't matter that I have a job (in fact a great job) in these hard economic times or that I am in relatively good health considering the polluted gene pool I call my family medical history. I'm single, I don't want to be single and that one fact is what defines me
Ever have thoughts like that. I used to revel in them. Don't now. Can't really. I have too many blessings in my life.
Now when I am tempted to nose dive into that "place", I force myself to look at what God has blessed me with - job, home, family, church. Lets not forget Salvation - that should have been #1 on the list.
That's what I do to pull my head out of the quagmire of thoughts. Its not always easy, but its well worth it ... to look up into the light of blessing that surrounds me.
So what do you do when the negativity threatens to overwhelm?
And anyone who grew up Catholic like I did, probably is a master at the art of palm branch fencing (my brother and I were stealth palm branch fighters - at least I don't think my mom ever knew)
But it makes you think too - not just about other people - those who can never be happy in spite of all they are blessed with because this one little stinking THING isn't the way they want it, but also about our own thoughts and attitudes that over shadow the good things in life. That one thing dominates.
I know - I'm a master at that too.
I'm single - so who cares that I have a wonderful church family and a close circle of dear friends. It doesn't matter that I have a job (in fact a great job) in these hard economic times or that I am in relatively good health considering the polluted gene pool I call my family medical history. I'm single, I don't want to be single and that one fact is what defines me
Ever have thoughts like that. I used to revel in them. Don't now. Can't really. I have too many blessings in my life.
Now when I am tempted to nose dive into that "place", I force myself to look at what God has blessed me with - job, home, family, church. Lets not forget Salvation - that should have been #1 on the list.
That's what I do to pull my head out of the quagmire of thoughts. Its not always easy, but its well worth it ... to look up into the light of blessing that surrounds me.
So what do you do when the negativity threatens to overwhelm?
Monday, July 6, 2009
Living Mary in a Martha World
You know the story - two sisters in Bethany back in the day - one cooks and cleans all day the other sits around listening to Jesus talk. In the end Jesus said Mary choose the better way.
I've always had trouble with that. I'm a Martha - definitely. Gimme a task list and some time to accomplish it and I'm off and running. Trouble is sometimes the goal becomes more important than the people involved in the task. It becomes a battle between getting the job done and maintaining a relationship.
That's what happened with Martha. Maybe she really did have the right attitude at first. Then more of the disciples stopped by - more cooking, more clean up and there was Mary just sitting on the floor. I can really relate to that.
It happened on a church project once. We were organizing a special service and some things happened during the process that caused hard feeling. People were offended and hurt, but the service - well that was a screaming success - at least on the surface where the world might judge.
It wasn't until later, when our pastor got us all together to sort through some of the mess that followed that a different perspective came out - a more godly one. He said if relationships are damage, it isn't a success in God's eyes.
The checklist isn't all important - the relationships, the heart, the attitude - those are of more concern to God.
Those are where the clashes are, the weak spots in our armor so to speak.
Just as Jesus said - Mary did choose the better way. She chose to sit at the feet of her Master and listen to His voice. Its not that Martha's task list was wrong - just her attitude.
Next time you are tempted to choose tasks over people, remember this story. Try living Mary in this goal oriented Martha world and let the relationship be most important.
I've always had trouble with that. I'm a Martha - definitely. Gimme a task list and some time to accomplish it and I'm off and running. Trouble is sometimes the goal becomes more important than the people involved in the task. It becomes a battle between getting the job done and maintaining a relationship.
That's what happened with Martha. Maybe she really did have the right attitude at first. Then more of the disciples stopped by - more cooking, more clean up and there was Mary just sitting on the floor. I can really relate to that.
It happened on a church project once. We were organizing a special service and some things happened during the process that caused hard feeling. People were offended and hurt, but the service - well that was a screaming success - at least on the surface where the world might judge.
It wasn't until later, when our pastor got us all together to sort through some of the mess that followed that a different perspective came out - a more godly one. He said if relationships are damage, it isn't a success in God's eyes.
The checklist isn't all important - the relationships, the heart, the attitude - those are of more concern to God.
Those are where the clashes are, the weak spots in our armor so to speak.
Just as Jesus said - Mary did choose the better way. She chose to sit at the feet of her Master and listen to His voice. Its not that Martha's task list was wrong - just her attitude.
Next time you are tempted to choose tasks over people, remember this story. Try living Mary in this goal oriented Martha world and let the relationship be most important.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Celebrating Freedom
Consider freedom. What would you do if your freedom was being threatened? How far would you go to protect it?
Celebrate freedom. This 4th of July remember all those who have fought for your freedom - those men & women who have taken the job of defender so that the rest of us can live in peace.
Treasure freedom. Cherish it - it is a blessing that not all the world enjoys.
Happy 4th!
Celebrate freedom. This 4th of July remember all those who have fought for your freedom - those men & women who have taken the job of defender so that the rest of us can live in peace.
Treasure freedom. Cherish it - it is a blessing that not all the world enjoys.
Happy 4th!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Feeling Uninspired
When this blog was started, I committeed myself to one entry per month. I was doing better than that, then January hit, and there was a crisis and it seemed like God was inspiring me to use song lyrics to blog about faith and things.
Fast forward ... crisis over ... there are still great songs out there (Born Again, Hold my Heart, and anything by TFK/FM Static - its just so bouncy!) but yet I find myself blogging less. I said to myself, I'm just not "inspired", but you'd think that not being in a crisis or helping a friend through a crisis or witnessing a crisis on TV would be incredibly inspiring. I mean whats more inspiring than being safe and happy and contented?
This past Sunday my pastor spoke on the Bible Basics of Knowing God's Will (I do the sermon slides so the title does have to be in that initial upper case :o). And it got me thinking about writing ...
I used to think that if God wanted me to write, then He would just fill my head with stuff and I'd translate it to paper (or pixels as the case may be). After all, thats how most of this blog came into being. But maybe that thinking is backwards - maybe if I want to write for God I ought to just write ... its not rocket science after all. I don't have to be all profound and whatnot.
Maybe God knows I love to write and have been doing it since junior high - with notebooks filled with stories no one will ever see - and here is one opportunity to write and actually have people read it [waving to our "fan" now].
And what could be more inspiring than an opportunity to do something I love and maybe pass on a little of God's love and life experience along the way.
Hmmmm ... I'm kinda feeling inspired now. I bet there is a song lyric for that!
Fast forward ... crisis over ... there are still great songs out there (Born Again, Hold my Heart, and anything by TFK/FM Static - its just so bouncy!) but yet I find myself blogging less. I said to myself, I'm just not "inspired", but you'd think that not being in a crisis or helping a friend through a crisis or witnessing a crisis on TV would be incredibly inspiring. I mean whats more inspiring than being safe and happy and contented?
This past Sunday my pastor spoke on the Bible Basics of Knowing God's Will (I do the sermon slides so the title does have to be in that initial upper case :o). And it got me thinking about writing ...
I used to think that if God wanted me to write, then He would just fill my head with stuff and I'd translate it to paper (or pixels as the case may be). After all, thats how most of this blog came into being. But maybe that thinking is backwards - maybe if I want to write for God I ought to just write ... its not rocket science after all. I don't have to be all profound and whatnot.
Maybe God knows I love to write and have been doing it since junior high - with notebooks filled with stories no one will ever see - and here is one opportunity to write and actually have people read it [waving to our "fan" now].
And what could be more inspiring than an opportunity to do something I love and maybe pass on a little of God's love and life experience along the way.
Hmmmm ... I'm kinda feeling inspired now. I bet there is a song lyric for that!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
So where's your stupid?
Its been a while since I've posted. I'd like to say that I've been busy researching the next great idea in the Christian blog-o-sphere, or that I've been so deeply involved with my Bible studies and my small group and my deeply profound quiet times that I haven't had time to to write about it - I was too busy doing.
Unfortunately none of those is true ... I've just been doing other stuff, things that may or may not have kingdom value (although I am still trying to figure out how to make card making a ministry!)
One of the things that does take up my time is reading blogs - mostly paper crafting ones, but a few Christian bloggers who alternate between profoundly serious and hysterically funny. John Acuff is one of those - he writes at Stuff Christians Like.
Today he wrote about when he takes small steps toward stupid.
This was one of the profoundly serious and deeply moving entries he does on Wednesdays. Got me thinking ... what are my steps toward stupid?
Do I discount them or am I just a better Christian than Mr. Prodigal John - sorry I can't even write that without snickering. I know I discount them - brush off the adventures into thought patterns that are of no value and can become damaging to both myself and to those around me.
That's my biggest step - living in my head. Thinking thoughts that have no bearing on reality. That leads me right to stupid ... to that place where I miss a step and get caught in free fall. Or worse yet take a hit and spiral down to that dark and airless void that lives at rock bottom.
To avoid this I know I need my quiet times. I need to be in serious prayer. I need fellowship. When its a struggle I need accountability.
So where's your stupid?
Unfortunately none of those is true ... I've just been doing other stuff, things that may or may not have kingdom value (although I am still trying to figure out how to make card making a ministry!)
One of the things that does take up my time is reading blogs - mostly paper crafting ones, but a few Christian bloggers who alternate between profoundly serious and hysterically funny. John Acuff is one of those - he writes at Stuff Christians Like.
Today he wrote about when he takes small steps toward stupid.
This was one of the profoundly serious and deeply moving entries he does on Wednesdays. Got me thinking ... what are my steps toward stupid?
Do I discount them or am I just a better Christian than Mr. Prodigal John - sorry I can't even write that without snickering. I know I discount them - brush off the adventures into thought patterns that are of no value and can become damaging to both myself and to those around me.
That's my biggest step - living in my head. Thinking thoughts that have no bearing on reality. That leads me right to stupid ... to that place where I miss a step and get caught in free fall. Or worse yet take a hit and spiral down to that dark and airless void that lives at rock bottom.
To avoid this I know I need my quiet times. I need to be in serious prayer. I need fellowship. When its a struggle I need accountability.
So where's your stupid?
Monday, June 1, 2009
Indescribable
Watched a video this weekend called Indescribable - it was a talk by Louie Giglio on the Indescribable tour (Thanks Ben for bringing the video along on the camping trip!).
It was all about creation declaring the glory of God. He showed examples of pulsars and nebulae and centers of star systems from the Hubbell space telescope. Mr. Giglio made the comments that each time we create a larger/better/ more powerful telescope we see more things that we've never seen before - how God is encouraging us on so we can see just how great He is, how creative, how powerful.
Mr Giglio also mused about how the sounds emanating from a pulsar could just as easily be that star calling out "He is great! He is awesome! He is God!"
Later after the video our little camping group was sitting down by the lake. The geese were all stirred up - honking and calling to each other. Someone in the group (I think it was Ben again) started calling out "He is awesome", "He is great", "He is ..." fill in the blank with a character trait of God. It was so cool to think that all the commotion may have really been creation declaring the wonders and power and majesty of the Creator.
I used to think "oh just be quiet" when I heard the birds making noises in the morning. After all they were waking me up - usually quite a while before I wanted to be awake!
But after this weekend I think "yes you are right - He is awesome and powerful and good and just and ..." and I join in the chorus and sing along, praising my Creator.
It was all about creation declaring the glory of God. He showed examples of pulsars and nebulae and centers of star systems from the Hubbell space telescope. Mr. Giglio made the comments that each time we create a larger/better/ more powerful telescope we see more things that we've never seen before - how God is encouraging us on so we can see just how great He is, how creative, how powerful.
Mr Giglio also mused about how the sounds emanating from a pulsar could just as easily be that star calling out "He is great! He is awesome! He is God!"
Later after the video our little camping group was sitting down by the lake. The geese were all stirred up - honking and calling to each other. Someone in the group (I think it was Ben again) started calling out "He is awesome", "He is great", "He is ..." fill in the blank with a character trait of God. It was so cool to think that all the commotion may have really been creation declaring the wonders and power and majesty of the Creator.
I used to think "oh just be quiet" when I heard the birds making noises in the morning. After all they were waking me up - usually quite a while before I wanted to be awake!
But after this weekend I think "yes you are right - He is awesome and powerful and good and just and ..." and I join in the chorus and sing along, praising my Creator.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Just Be
Its been a while since we've posted here. Life just got busy ... you know how that goes. Work and church and small groups and service projects and homework and kid activities and ... the list goes on and on. It never seems to end if you add laundry and housework and pretty soon yard work into the mix.
But with all that's going on its good to take time out to spend time with God. Take a walk - not a power walk, more of a stroll. Look at the trees and flowers and chirping birds ... be amazed by all the differences our creative God built into the world around us.
Think about how they came to be ... God spoke them into existence. A single word from the Creator and everything was.
Don't get so busy that you forget that.
Dont get so busy that you miss God's love in amongst all the scheduled appointments. He's got a sunrise (or sunset) just for you. Take some time to enjoy it and just be ...
Friday, March 27, 2009
Your Love Remains
Your Love Remains
Words and Music by Steele CroswhiteWhen I don’t feel it
When I don’t give it
When I don’t want it…your love remains
When I don’t see it
When I am sinfulWhen I am winning…your love remains
When I am waking
When I am working
When I am resting…your love remains
When I am doubting
When I am fighting
As I do worry….your love remains
When I am tired
When I am broken
When I am resistant…your love remains
When I am lonely
Or when I’m surrounded
When I am uncertain…your love remains
When I am tempted
When I am mourning
When I am waiting…your love remains
When I am restless
When I am indifferent
When I am un-focused……your love remains
When you renewed me
When you restored me
When you redeem me…your love remains
When you come claim me
When this life is over
In your arms forever….I will remain
When I am working
When I am resting…your love remains
When I am doubting
When I am fighting
As I do worry….your love remains
When I am tired
When I am broken
When I am resistant…your love remains
When I am lonely
Or when I’m surrounded
When I am uncertain…your love remains
When I am tempted
When I am mourning
When I am waiting…your love remains
When I am restless
When I am indifferent
When I am un-focused……your love remains
When you renewed me
When you restored me
When you redeem me…your love remains
When you come claim me
When this life is over
In your arms forever….I will remain
I think I could add "when I am wrestling" and "when I'm rebelling" to the list.
Sometimes its the simple truths that impact us the most. God will never leave us or forsake us. No matter how we feel, no matter what we think. God loves us!
I think Steele's song says it all. God bless!
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Think On These Things
...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things --Philippians 4:8
Often times I find myself having arguments in my head ... representing both sides. I can get pretty angry imagining what people might say. "Practicing" I used to call it. Or "Rehearsing". So I'd be ready ... but I don't think its good to be "ready for a fight" like that. It just whips up the negative emotions that might already be present. It keeps that grudge or that slight alive in your mind and that gives Satan a foothold.
Instead we are encouraged to think on things that are noble and pure, excellent, praiseworthy. The Bible falls into that category and because I want to be in the word more I've been going through Philippians pretty much since January. I just keep reading through it and getting blessed with new nuggets of wisdom each time.
There was 1:9 "And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight"
and 1:27 "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel"
Then I found 2:3. "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves."
I wanted to write down all of Chapter 3 ... I haven't found just a single verse in that chapter that seems more impacting than the others. The whole thing just hits me in the heart.
And of course 4:8 .... the more I've been reading the deeper it seems to get. I've never read the Bible over and over. I'll read it, but not dwell on it. I'm kind of digging the "dwelling" part.
I'm not going to expound or exhort on these verses. I'll let you ponder them for yourselves. Maybe for you, like for me, they will just address where you are at the moment you are reading them and offer guidance and direction.
You may be surprised there isn't a song lyric in this blog. But there is a song to go with this one ... Think On These Things by Petra (from the No Doubt CD).
I'll let you look that one up yourself (http://www.metrolyrics.com/think-on-these-things-lyrics-petra.html)
Often times I find myself having arguments in my head ... representing both sides. I can get pretty angry imagining what people might say. "Practicing" I used to call it. Or "Rehearsing". So I'd be ready ... but I don't think its good to be "ready for a fight" like that. It just whips up the negative emotions that might already be present. It keeps that grudge or that slight alive in your mind and that gives Satan a foothold.
Instead we are encouraged to think on things that are noble and pure, excellent, praiseworthy. The Bible falls into that category and because I want to be in the word more I've been going through Philippians pretty much since January. I just keep reading through it and getting blessed with new nuggets of wisdom each time.
There was 1:9 "And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight"
and 1:27 "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel"
Then I found 2:3. "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves."
I wanted to write down all of Chapter 3 ... I haven't found just a single verse in that chapter that seems more impacting than the others. The whole thing just hits me in the heart.
And of course 4:8 .... the more I've been reading the deeper it seems to get. I've never read the Bible over and over. I'll read it, but not dwell on it. I'm kind of digging the "dwelling" part.
I'm not going to expound or exhort on these verses. I'll let you ponder them for yourselves. Maybe for you, like for me, they will just address where you are at the moment you are reading them and offer guidance and direction.
You may be surprised there isn't a song lyric in this blog. But there is a song to go with this one ... Think On These Things by Petra (from the No Doubt CD).
I'll let you look that one up yourself (http://www.metrolyrics.com/think-on-these-things-lyrics-petra.html)
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Falling Up
Do you ever put people up on pedestals? The more highly you think of them, the more you idealize (or should I say idolize) them, and the higher the pedestal goes.
Until it falls.
Until your hero comes crashing to the ground in a rush of humanity, because the one you put up
there to admire is, after all, human.
I was convicted on that recently when I realized that I was making an idol of a friend. I thought the world of this person and when the fall came it shook me to the core.
The fact that this person sinned seemed inconceivable ... but how unrealistic is that. And how unfair. We, all of us, have sinned (and fall short of the glory of God) and God's grace covers us all. Jesus sacrifice paid the price for every one.
So this time instead of wallowing in whatever you wallow in when you are disappointed, I gave it to God. Don't think that was as easy as it sounds, though. I wrestled with it - knowing mercy was needed but in my heart wanting justice instead.
But God is gracious - He took my doubts, my concerns, my fears, my disappointments and whispered "Trust me". I fell up into the arms of my Savior and received the peace the truly does surpass all understanding.
As I learn to trust more deeply and more consistently what I know is true, I know that peace will stay - for all the storms that surely lie ahead.
Until it falls.
Until your hero comes crashing to the ground in a rush of humanity, because the one you put up
there to admire is, after all, human.
I was convicted on that recently when I realized that I was making an idol of a friend. I thought the world of this person and when the fall came it shook me to the core.
The fact that this person sinned seemed inconceivable ... but how unrealistic is that. And how unfair. We, all of us, have sinned (and fall short of the glory of God) and God's grace covers us all. Jesus sacrifice paid the price for every one.
So this time instead of wallowing in whatever you wallow in when you are disappointed, I gave it to God. Don't think that was as easy as it sounds, though. I wrestled with it - knowing mercy was needed but in my heart wanting justice instead.
But God is gracious - He took my doubts, my concerns, my fears, my disappointments and whispered "Trust me". I fell up into the arms of my Savior and received the peace the truly does surpass all understanding.
As I learn to trust more deeply and more consistently what I know is true, I know that peace will stay - for all the storms that surely lie ahead.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Stained Glass Masquerade
Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small
Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong
So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them
Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage
The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart
excerpt from "Stained Glass Masquerade" by Casting Crowns
I think it happens more than we think... expectations blown away by the truth that was hidden away for so long. People hiding their pain or their secret sins so they can look the part of the happy well-adjusted Christian. I know I did it. I hid the struggles and pain in my life from everyone, even my closest friends. Because it never looked like they had problems. It never looked they doubted. It never looked that way because they hid their fears and pain away every bit as much as I did.
My pastor today talked about a lot of adjustments that will need to be made at my church as we move forward. Lots of stuff is happening. Good stuff. Kingdom stuff. And just as much bad too. As Kurt said ... Its a war ... and the enemy will use anything, any hook in our heart to bring us down.
But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay
excerpt from "Stained Glass Masquerade" by Casting Crowns
At a shepherd's team meeting a couple of weeks ago, one of the church leaders talked about transparency - in our schedules, our finances, our lives. Without that, the hooks go into our hearts and the shame and deception drive them deeper still. That kind of transparency ... accountability ... is good. Its hard too. But its necessary. That's the importance of fellowship. That's the result of being authentic. Not perfect, just real.
Because without it, the fear wins and masquerade goes on...
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade
excerpt from "Stained Glass Masquerade" by Casting Crowns
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small
Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong
So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them
Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage
The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart
excerpt from "Stained Glass Masquerade" by Casting Crowns
I think it happens more than we think... expectations blown away by the truth that was hidden away for so long. People hiding their pain or their secret sins so they can look the part of the happy well-adjusted Christian. I know I did it. I hid the struggles and pain in my life from everyone, even my closest friends. Because it never looked like they had problems. It never looked they doubted. It never looked that way because they hid their fears and pain away every bit as much as I did.
My pastor today talked about a lot of adjustments that will need to be made at my church as we move forward. Lots of stuff is happening. Good stuff. Kingdom stuff. And just as much bad too. As Kurt said ... Its a war ... and the enemy will use anything, any hook in our heart to bring us down.
But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay
excerpt from "Stained Glass Masquerade" by Casting Crowns
At a shepherd's team meeting a couple of weeks ago, one of the church leaders talked about transparency - in our schedules, our finances, our lives. Without that, the hooks go into our hearts and the shame and deception drive them deeper still. That kind of transparency ... accountability ... is good. Its hard too. But its necessary. That's the importance of fellowship. That's the result of being authentic. Not perfect, just real.
Because without it, the fear wins and masquerade goes on...
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade
excerpt from "Stained Glass Masquerade" by Casting Crowns
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Something Heavenly
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly
Something Heavenly
excerpt from Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly) by Sanctus Real
It feels like things are changing. Not sure what. Last week at church our pastor talked about changes that will be coming in the next year ... a college church plant, needs for more leaders, possibly another Sunday service. This week we will hear more about what exactly that means. All this stuff will take more work, more time, more of everything.
Its all exciting stuff, good stuff. But its also a lot of stuff and well, for the most part its still relatively unknown. The leadership is planning, but other than the vision and plan there isn't a lot to share just yet. Ummm, sounds like chaos to me.
You know I don't like chaos. I'm an engineer...I like neat. I like orderly. I like scheduled. I like known.
But all of this is unknown, and to me that can be a little scary. There's been no impact analysis. There haven't been focus groups and surveys. And I'm guessing we'll have to rebaseline just about everything (engineers don't like rebaselining! It messes up the milestones ;o)
But, if I'm honest and truthful (and I find it best to be that way), its exciting. Even the unknown parts only have me curious, but not freaking out. I feel like I'm in a wait and see mode to discover what to do next. Its a time right now to seek God .. to be in His word and in prayer for all the concerns that are going on at church, whether its the pastor's missionary trip to Africa, or my friend's knee that is on the verge of giving out for good.
So while I'm waiting, I'm not inactive. I'm busy readying myself, spiritually speaking. So in the midst of all this change, there is this God-peace, because as I get to know Him more and more, I trust him more and more.
Something is changing.
Maybe its me.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Feel free to share your thoughts on this post in the Comments section.
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly
Something Heavenly
excerpt from Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly) by Sanctus Real
It feels like things are changing. Not sure what. Last week at church our pastor talked about changes that will be coming in the next year ... a college church plant, needs for more leaders, possibly another Sunday service. This week we will hear more about what exactly that means. All this stuff will take more work, more time, more of everything.
Its all exciting stuff, good stuff. But its also a lot of stuff and well, for the most part its still relatively unknown. The leadership is planning, but other than the vision and plan there isn't a lot to share just yet. Ummm, sounds like chaos to me.
You know I don't like chaos. I'm an engineer...I like neat. I like orderly. I like scheduled. I like known.
But all of this is unknown, and to me that can be a little scary. There's been no impact analysis. There haven't been focus groups and surveys. And I'm guessing we'll have to rebaseline just about everything (engineers don't like rebaselining! It messes up the milestones ;o)
But, if I'm honest and truthful (and I find it best to be that way), its exciting. Even the unknown parts only have me curious, but not freaking out. I feel like I'm in a wait and see mode to discover what to do next. Its a time right now to seek God .. to be in His word and in prayer for all the concerns that are going on at church, whether its the pastor's missionary trip to Africa, or my friend's knee that is on the verge of giving out for good.
So while I'm waiting, I'm not inactive. I'm busy readying myself, spiritually speaking. So in the midst of all this change, there is this God-peace, because as I get to know Him more and more, I trust him more and more.
Something is changing.
Maybe its me.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Feel free to share your thoughts on this post in the Comments section.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
What Road Are You On?
I recently returned from Faithwalkers 2008. The theme this year was Totally Committed. For those of you who stumbled across this blog and aren't in a Great Commission church, Faithwalkers is an annual conference held in December. Its 4 days of worshipping God through music and listening to phenomenal teachings from some of the most wise, authentic and humble Christian men and women I have ever met. Its a mountain top experience to end one year and begin a new one.
Because we had to drive around 6 hours each way, I started thinking about journeys and roads and where they lead. I said in a previous post I am inspired by song lyrics (2009 might just be the year of the song lyric blog. I don't know yet, but it is shaping up to be that way.) There are a lot of songs out there about roads: On The Road Again. Country Roads (Take me Home). Life is a Highway (maybe that's a lyric and not a title) - Sorry I should clarify - I'm inspired by music, not a music aficionado. Most of the time I don't know who sings a song or what year it came out. I can't always tell the difference between Stellar Kart, Disciple or Relient K although I can usually keep Toby Mac straight.
But I do know how hard a song hits me in the head.
At Faithwalkers I heard The Road To Damascus (sung by Jeromy Darling) Here's a snippet:
[down] The road to Damascus
I felt the power of Your hand
And the road through your mercy
Shows me everything I am
And I am Yours
Think about what happened on the road to Damascus - a cruel judgemental Christian killer was transformed into a man who loved Jesus so much he spent the rest of his life teaching everyone about Him.
My own Damascus road of transformation involved a divorce and another subsequent legal battle. I wanted God to be there but I also thought I knew how He should show up - how it should look and how He would vindicate me. Guess what - it didn't happen that way. I still got divorced. I won the legal battle only because legally the judge's hands were tied (that's the words on the brief from the judge's own hand).
That's not really what I wanted to hear.
I was the good one. I was the Christian.
But on that road the scales came off of my eyes in a sense - I saw my judgemental side, my arrogance, my hardness. My Christian walk wasn't authentic, it was filled with checklists and rules, not the love of Christ. I had the heart of a Pharisee, and Jesus Christ took me down a a long and winding road, rocky and harsh at times, that ultimately led to freedom. Because when our hearts are hard and crusty, it takes some force to break them.
In Neil Anderson's Victory Over the Darkness, he talks about "who you are in Christ" - accepted, secure, significant. That's what we want, what we need. But at the start of the road, you don't feel that way. You might feel over confident, proud, secure in yourself but not in God, or secure in the god you create because that's how you want him to be, but not secure in the truth that no matter what the circumstances look like, you are loved by the Almighty (if you don't believe it check out Romans 8:38-39). When you see "everything you are", you get stuck on whats wrong. I think that's why I love the last line of Jeromy's song so much.
I am Yours.
See if I just see everything I am, its not pretty because I see with my own eyes - overly smug or overly critical. Neither of those attitudes are right. But what God sees is His kid - His more-than-slightly-imperfect, battered & bruised, but shining in the sun little girl. And He loves me, warts and all.
I am His.
Its been over 8 years since I started down my Damascus road. Maybe you are on one now - at the beginning, in the middle, or (Praise God) nearing the end. No matter where you are in your travels, always remember God is with you.
Roads take us places.
Journeys change us.
Where will your 2009 journey take you?
What road are you on?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Feel free to share your thoughts on this post in the Comments section.
Because we had to drive around 6 hours each way, I started thinking about journeys and roads and where they lead. I said in a previous post I am inspired by song lyrics (2009 might just be the year of the song lyric blog. I don't know yet, but it is shaping up to be that way.) There are a lot of songs out there about roads: On The Road Again. Country Roads (Take me Home). Life is a Highway (maybe that's a lyric and not a title) - Sorry I should clarify - I'm inspired by music, not a music aficionado. Most of the time I don't know who sings a song or what year it came out. I can't always tell the difference between Stellar Kart, Disciple or Relient K although I can usually keep Toby Mac straight.
But I do know how hard a song hits me in the head.
At Faithwalkers I heard The Road To Damascus (sung by Jeromy Darling) Here's a snippet:
[down] The road to Damascus
I felt the power of Your hand
And the road through your mercy
Shows me everything I am
And I am Yours
Think about what happened on the road to Damascus - a cruel judgemental Christian killer was transformed into a man who loved Jesus so much he spent the rest of his life teaching everyone about Him.
My own Damascus road of transformation involved a divorce and another subsequent legal battle. I wanted God to be there but I also thought I knew how He should show up - how it should look and how He would vindicate me. Guess what - it didn't happen that way. I still got divorced. I won the legal battle only because legally the judge's hands were tied (that's the words on the brief from the judge's own hand).
That's not really what I wanted to hear.
I was the good one. I was the Christian.
But on that road the scales came off of my eyes in a sense - I saw my judgemental side, my arrogance, my hardness. My Christian walk wasn't authentic, it was filled with checklists and rules, not the love of Christ. I had the heart of a Pharisee, and Jesus Christ took me down a a long and winding road, rocky and harsh at times, that ultimately led to freedom. Because when our hearts are hard and crusty, it takes some force to break them.
In Neil Anderson's Victory Over the Darkness, he talks about "who you are in Christ" - accepted, secure, significant. That's what we want, what we need. But at the start of the road, you don't feel that way. You might feel over confident, proud, secure in yourself but not in God, or secure in the god you create because that's how you want him to be, but not secure in the truth that no matter what the circumstances look like, you are loved by the Almighty (if you don't believe it check out Romans 8:38-39). When you see "everything you are", you get stuck on whats wrong. I think that's why I love the last line of Jeromy's song so much.
I am Yours.
See if I just see everything I am, its not pretty because I see with my own eyes - overly smug or overly critical. Neither of those attitudes are right. But what God sees is His kid - His more-than-slightly-imperfect, battered & bruised, but shining in the sun little girl. And He loves me, warts and all.
I am His.
Its been over 8 years since I started down my Damascus road. Maybe you are on one now - at the beginning, in the middle, or (Praise God) nearing the end. No matter where you are in your travels, always remember God is with you.
Roads take us places.
Journeys change us.
Where will your 2009 journey take you?
What road are you on?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Feel free to share your thoughts on this post in the Comments section.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
True Story
I am a storyteller
Quite brilliant if I do say so
I tell them tales they want to hear
And they believe it's me they know
But you know better
Chorus:
You see my imperfections
Still you say I'm a masterpiece
A marvelous reflection
The image of Yourself in me
You paint with strokes of grace
Undoing my disguise
You say beauty lies
in the true story
excerpt from True Story by Ginny Owens (from the album Something More)
We all tell stories. Sometimes we tell them so often we believe them - good or bad. Not all of them are true, even if we have come to think they are.
I once wrote a monologue and performed it at church. It was called The Real Me. It wasn't extremely flattering, but it was how I viewed myself and how I thought others viewed me. I was terribly afraid that when all the skeletons fell out of the closet, those people who once were my friends wouldn't be any more. That's how I look at the things I did BC (before Christ) and unfortunately several things that happened after I accepted Jesus as my savior. I had a judgmental streak a mile wide (through the grace of God its down to maybe a quarter mile wide now) and I thought I would be shunned if people "knew". Because that's what Christians do right - they shun you if you're not like them.
How wrong I was. I've met so many broken people who have been healed through God's strokes of grace. And now they share their experiences - actually tell others of their shortcomings and failures. And what an encouragement it is.
Because we don't have to be perfect. We don't have to be do-it-all, know-it-all supermoms (or super dads, or super friends)
We don't even have to be super Christians.
We have to be authentic.
We have to be true.
Because our whole life is a story. The trials we have help us grow (if we handle them right) but they can also help others overcome their struggles. God takes us places we don't want to go to teach us things we need to know. And to share what we've learned with others so they know they aren't going it along.
Because my whole life is a story ...
Of where I've been
And where you've brought me to
Of who I am
All because of you
excerpt from True Story by Ginny Owens (from the album Something More)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Feel free to share your thoughts on this post in the Comments section.
Quite brilliant if I do say so
I tell them tales they want to hear
And they believe it's me they know
But you know better
Chorus:
You see my imperfections
Still you say I'm a masterpiece
A marvelous reflection
The image of Yourself in me
You paint with strokes of grace
Undoing my disguise
You say beauty lies
in the true story
excerpt from True Story by Ginny Owens (from the album Something More)
We all tell stories. Sometimes we tell them so often we believe them - good or bad. Not all of them are true, even if we have come to think they are.
I once wrote a monologue and performed it at church. It was called The Real Me. It wasn't extremely flattering, but it was how I viewed myself and how I thought others viewed me. I was terribly afraid that when all the skeletons fell out of the closet, those people who once were my friends wouldn't be any more. That's how I look at the things I did BC (before Christ) and unfortunately several things that happened after I accepted Jesus as my savior. I had a judgmental streak a mile wide (through the grace of God its down to maybe a quarter mile wide now) and I thought I would be shunned if people "knew". Because that's what Christians do right - they shun you if you're not like them.
How wrong I was. I've met so many broken people who have been healed through God's strokes of grace. And now they share their experiences - actually tell others of their shortcomings and failures. And what an encouragement it is.
Because we don't have to be perfect. We don't have to be do-it-all, know-it-all supermoms (or super dads, or super friends)
We don't even have to be super Christians.
We have to be authentic.
We have to be true.
Because our whole life is a story. The trials we have help us grow (if we handle them right) but they can also help others overcome their struggles. God takes us places we don't want to go to teach us things we need to know. And to share what we've learned with others so they know they aren't going it along.
Because my whole life is a story ...
Of where I've been
And where you've brought me to
Of who I am
All because of you
excerpt from True Story by Ginny Owens (from the album Something More)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Feel free to share your thoughts on this post in the Comments section.
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